and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
