Dual....:-)
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
