It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
