It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
