Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
