the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
