i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
