she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
