this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
