On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
