Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
