At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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