oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
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