my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
