Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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