I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
