I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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