Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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