someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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