for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
