Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize