you're like a bully in the Christmas story
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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