If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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