Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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