Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
