Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
