Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
