Do you still have your period?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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