I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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