she was so not down for the gang bang
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize