forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He shit in the fireplace
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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