I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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