at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
