I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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