How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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