Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
