im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
