my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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