At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
