I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
