dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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