Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
