OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize