he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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