That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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