Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
