Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
