Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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