i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize