I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize