please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
