I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So here I am, sexting at work.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
