I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
