Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
