Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im six kinds of drunk right now
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
