I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize