I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
