good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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