yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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