the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
