Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
