so that wasnt chicken after all
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
