porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
