I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
