There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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