i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize