I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize