when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
