So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
