i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
