I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize