Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
