now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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