Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
