i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
